Verb: Beat (someone) repeatedly with a bludgeon or other heavy object
I bet Minnesota fans are yearning for Glen Mason. I know Minnesota wasn't exactly a juggernaut under their former coach, but at least a winning season was within reach. Today was downright embarrassing for the Gophers. They managed only 177 yards to Michigan's 580, of which 363 came on the ground. It's not just that they were overmatched physically - it's that they didn't look like they wanted to play.
Vincent Smith yay. Smith had a day that would make LaDainian Tomlinson jealous. Smith carried the ball 5 times for 27 yards and 1 touchdown, caught 1 pass for 28 yards and a touchdown, and threw a halfback pass to Drew Dileo for a 17-yard touchdown. The touchdown reception looked like the exact same play on which Smith scored against Notre Dame a few weeks ago.
Trick plays galore. I think Al Borges ate a box of sparklers for breakfast this morning, because he was farting out fireworks. Backup quarterback Devin Gardner took some snaps early in an effort to confuse the defense, which worked in a way, because he turned what looked like a triple pass into a gain of about five yards. In the first quarter, with Gardner at quarterback and Denard Robinson at a wing position, Gardner pitched to Robinson who ran right, then threw back to Gardner on the left, and Gardner wanted to hit a wide receiver (Junior Hemingway?) streaking downfield. But the receiver was well covered and Gardner just tucked it and ran. Eat your heart out, Eastern Michigan. Meanwhile, the halfback pass and other option plays with both Gardner and Robinson in the game made me think Brady Hoke has been sneaking into Chris Petersen's bedroom and reading his diary.
Blake Countess is the next Leon Hall. Yep, I said it. Minnesota doesn't have the greatest talent in the world, but Countess has looked pretty darn good for two weeks in a row. Courtney Avery had a nice 83-yard fumble return for a touchdown, but Avery has been getting beaten more regularly than any of Michigan's other corners this year. He's still not bad, but it looks like Countess will grab a starting spot sooner rather than later.
Fitzgerald Toussaint, please stay healthy. Toussaint seems to have gained some confidence since the 2011 opener. He's running more decisively and doing a better job of running with a purpose. He had 11 carries for 108 yards, including his customary single-back dive over the top for a goal line touchdown. What's the over/under on how many times he scores on that play this year?
FIRE JERRY KILL. He grabbed a kid's facemask. This madman must be stopped!
Shoelace, Jr. Devin Gardner made some very Denard-esque plays, topped off by losing his shoe on one scramble. Only two of his five throws were completed, but one was a downright drop by Roy Roundtree and another was a catchable ball that Jeremy Gallon probably should have had; the fifth should have been an interception, but Minnesota's defensive back wanted his belly button to get its first career pick. I found it hilarious that the BTN's color analyst said he made "a great play on the ball"; if making a great play on the ball means jumping for a pass that hits you in the chest, then I used to coach some superstar middle schoolers.
William Campbell killed a guy with a trident. Campbell literally ran over the center on one play and also crushed quarterback Max Shortell into the ground. The switch is getting closer and closer to being flipped . . .
Biggest blowout in series history. Michigan won this game with the biggest margin of victory in series history, beating the 1993 episode that saw the Wolverines beat the Gophers by a score of 58-7.